Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Why you shouldn't behave like sherlock holmes !


The MedCine-club in the college has come up again with a show of Sherlock Holmes this week. Why the hell they have this crazy name i don’t know. The Cine part of it rarely talks about the Med part. And i don’t even have enough money to hire Sherlock holmes to investigate. But let’s not waste time on this. The last time we saw Sherlock Holmes movie, me and Watson (Names changed to protect the identities of real people ..out of which Holmes is going to be myself) after our usual saturday night movie together (Yeah, ‘our usual’ as we have not yet started entertaining girls who keep stalking us.. ) decided to gather our leftover bucks for the month and give Dominos a friendly visit. It is a nice cosy place about the size of a small garage large enough to hold a single millitary truck. That’s not much i know.. well there are only 6 tables and not much of a scenic view. But it’s almost never crowded and has a nice romantic mood, with cool soothing music playing all over. If i had a girlfriend, it’s the first place i would take her to. So that day, when we walked in and settled down ourselves we saw this hot resident from the skin department sitting 2 tables away from us with this guy, going all chatty with him. That’s when i thought we should start practicing our own art of deduction…
conan

(I whispered to watson who was sitting right opposite to me..)

Holmes: Don’t turn over watson, there is that hot Dr.xxx from the dermat sitting two tables right behind you.

Watson: You fool, i saw her when i entered here.. that’s why i choose this seat so that she wont see me.

Holmes: Wow! she got a guy with her. Looks older than her, is wearing a red t-shirt and they are sitting at right angles to each other.

Watson: Everything goes well with me as long as she does not cuts my attendance in clinics. Now shut it up and pass me the ketchup.

(That’s one boring thing about Watson, that he is rarely interested in things that are not boring. So, i raised my voice a little)

Holmes: I don’t believe it you can be so pathetic at this thing… Wait, i cant see a ring on her finger. Looks like she is not engaged yet. But, she is sitting at right angle to the guy, that’s not what couples do in their initial meetings. It looks like the problem is more chronic.

Watson: For all this discussion, he could turn up to be her brother in the end.

Holmes: No, he cant be a brother, or even a long distance cousin for that instance. She is getting that large smile and a twinkle in her eyes… it just can’t be a brother.

Watson: Will you please stop staring at them. She might catch me tomorrow in the hospital, and then both of us will be dead for good.

Holmes: She is wearing slippers ! And no just any slippers, but the average small red completely cheap homely slippers !!

Watson: If you keep doing this, I am sure one of them is coming for your face.

(Maybe that’s what he was trying to avoid when he bent over his chair a little more, with the pizza a few inches from his face.)

Holmes: Now look, she never wears such a cheap thing even at the clinic. Haven’t you noticed ?

Watson: So ?

Holmes: So by this we can make out that she is very comfortable with the guy and past the point of early phase of flirting.

(It could have been a little more accurate had my concentration not been broken by the children of the sardarji family sitting right next to our table)

Watson: That’s dumb. She is just having a pizza with a guy in a small outlet of Dominos.

Holmes: So you are indicating that she might be trying to avoid the family’s attention by not dressing up too much.

Watson: I am not saying anything. And be careful with the Coke, you are going to spill it over.

Holmes: Now i can rest the case finally. She is seeing this guy for some time now, without telling the family. And they are on a date tonight.

Watson: Why would anyone take a girl to Dominos for a date ?

(We were almost shouting in whispers at this point of time..)

Holmes: And why would you say that ?

Watson: No, like really this is not a good place for a date !

Holmes: That’s crap ! YOU DONT UNDERSTAND ANYTHING !!

Watson: I am telling you, THIS IS NOT A GOOD PLACE FOR A DATE !!

I don't know what the hell happened after that. The whole place fell silent for a moment. The resident bent over to have a better look at us. The sardarji’s family sitting next to our table was the least affected, only the mother looked at us (with wide eyes ?) and then resumed to settle the rattle her children were making. And i think the girl at the counter dropped a menu or something from her hand.

Watson: Did i just say it loud "this is not a good place for a date" ?? This is all because of you. And from today onwards you will never wear that shirt with the pink stripes on it !!

Holmes: Why ?

Watson: I can never explain it to you ! And remember, after we are finished here, you are not supposed to keep your hand on my shoulder in the streets. People might be using their own art of deduction on us !!

All i know is that Watson finished his pizza at a hurried speed after this conversation, gulped his coke and then never went to Dominos again.. he prefers the home delivery now. If anyone understood why, please tell me right now as my deductive powers have almost failed me here...

Saturday, August 21, 2010

The worst blogs u read everyday... just because they exist

If you know me personally, u might have noticed that i m a nice, gentle, decent and polite guy. Well, i m not. All i m is a perpetually irritable man who just can’t stand anything that’s closely related to cute, sweet and nice. I prefer to say (and mind u listen) to things in the simplest ways possible. It’s not like i don’t appreciate beauty in words, it’s just that i have already had an overdose of it. So next time u see any blog post like these, please notify me to NOT read them….


Title – The Princess Of Hearts

“..hi i am a nice little intelligent girl, i would like to write a blog about something.. but it’s just that i have no idea about what to write. So, next time i have an idea u will read about it in my constant chatter on my facebook page. Till them have a nice time sweathearts “


Title – The World Revolves Around Me

“Hey ! it’s me, the irresistible guy for all my crazy fans. I am sure you guys spent the last weekend wondering about what did i do with that empty milk can my dog picked up from the street. I was almost dying to tell u, because it was such a funny incident..”


Title – The Undeterminable Malefucian Monk

“Ya ya, u know i keep thinking a lot these days. It’s not like i have something better to do, i just thought what a wonderful place this world would be if everyone starts listening to my ideas, which are as usual philosophical and useful you know. So, if u haven’t started following me yet, the follow button is right at the top. And yes, today i m going to talk as usual about the fakie ppl who pretend to be as cool and funky as a real philosopher like i am..”


Title – My Photos.. yipppeeee

“..hi there, this is the dog that followed me home today. So i thought i would take a picture from my 0.01 MP camera and show to the whole world how cute it is. P.S. when i was taking the picture, it jumped at my camera, so all you will be able to see is it’s open mouth and the insides of it. Ain’t that greeat, it is the result of all my hardwork with the camera. Uncle says that if i keep clicking like this, i would become a hotshot wildlife photographer one day.”


Title – I am the Happy Mother

“..u know, i am such a busy woman i get only thrice a day to update u on my latest blog. It’s so cute, i can’t stop talking about it in my ‘happy nappy club’ . U gotta see the new pictures of dear cuddly. She is so sweet, she is just eight months old and whenever i give her custard she makes a ‘yum’ ‘yum’ sound on seeing the bowel ..oh my god i already have tear in my eyes. P.S.recipe attached in my previous post …just buy a ‘quick and easy custard’, boil in water and voila u are done. So easy !!!


Title – What the fuckity fuck fuck..

“My bitchiness is touching new boundaries day by day. By this post i want to draw the attention of all the people who eat strawberries in public. What the fuck bitch, dont you know i am allergic to strawberries ? What the hell do they think they are doing when they do it. I tell you, these people have no sense of fashion at all. And because i am the supreme authority in bitching about everything, i feel the compulsion to make everyone else look like an ugly dork..”



And as far as the disclaimer goes .. “All the names and excerpts on this post have been modified versions of real people’s blogs. So if you have been annoying innocent bystanders like me by your supposedly interesting stories, u r entirely wrong. We, the readers would like you to shut up, but we can’t unfollow you as we feel an obligation to follow you as all this time u have also been following my own ‘philosophical’ blog, which you found in “follow my blog and get followed within the nexxt microsecond’ forum on facebook.
No offence meant to anyone, who thinks he has been writing stupid stories comparable to the above examples. (..maybe, the resemblance is just a coincidence)

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Independence Day Balancesheet

indepen
14 messages in my inbox saying Happy independence day using the same old forwarded lines = Profit for the phone companies ..and more messages for me to forward to the girls.
The second years five doors down playing ‘vande mataram’ A.R. Rehmann’s remix, smoking as usual in front of the floor = ..i dont know, i just hope they haven’t started smoking ‘grass’ yet.
People updating status messages on facebook frantically = Time to talk to old lost friends !
130 paper flags, two packs of candies, a bunch of tricolour balloons laying in my bag.. to be given to the deaf and mute children tomorrow = I guess the children will be happy.
National holiday tomorrow = ..arre matlab ek aur sunday waste ho jayega  Winking smile 

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

So where is the answer ?

I am too bad a teacher. I expect people to 'understand' instead of 'knowing'. And when people still keep pushing me around to say my things more clearly, i have only on reply for them.. Falling in love with the subject is more important than knowing it inside out.

When u seek water,
in middle of the sea;
Expect no answers,
from the Zen master...