This post is the one inspired from the thing we med students do most of the time in our hospital, that is taking the history of a patient.. :)
Patient Name: Coolguy287
Age: 24 yrs
Residence: East street cyber cafe, Pune
Informant: His FB profile
Reliability: God knows
P/C (that means.. Presenting Complaints):
Acute attacks of logging into FB wherever and whenever possible X 6 months
HOPI (History of Presenting Illness):
My patient was apparently asymptomatic till 6 months back when he reported acute attacks of FB overuse which were insidious in onset and gradual in progression. They were characterized by episodes of long lasting chat sessions, which were generally relieved by the cafe owner requesting to shut down the shop. The episodes were of remitting and relapsing in nature, with intermediate lucid intervals in which he remembered to go home and have meals. He also gives history of certain associated symptoms, which are described in detail below.
The paroxysms of FB use started gradually over a period of 2 weeks when he found out his ex’s profile and sent her a ‘friend request’. It is suspected that the transmission of infection took place over this period of contact. The prodromal symptoms of ex’s contact subsided soon, after she posted a video of her new host male over her profile. Their was a short latent subclinical period after the initial manifestations.
Later he presented with spells of fever, with typical symptoms of Farmville infection. The patient reportedly had sleep apnoea and woke up in the middle of the night to cut his strawberry harvest which he was anxious about. He also reports an episode of urinary incontinence when he found out that his idiot friend has gained more points in 3 less days than him. The condition was reportedly self-limiting and the bout of this fever subsided in about 4 months, after which the patient has had only one relapse when he apparently received a golden hen from his friend. (note: The hen has been recovered and quarantined for further laboratory investigations.)
H/o (History Of) answering absurd surveys to gain FB credit +ve
H/o posting his farmville photos on his profile, with the intentions of making friends jealous +ve
H/o changing the profile pic frequently and reported to be attempts to attract opposite sex +ve
H/o going on a ‘like’ spree in which he would ‘like’ each and every status update his friends posted, in hope of getting back some stupid comments on his own status updates +ve
H/o subscribing to a santa and banta jokes site to find out new and interesting status updates which would be liked by girls
No h/o sending stupid items to friends found
No h/o begging for free pigs and dogs on the farmville forums found
Chronic Facebookalgia with acute exacerbations due to heart trauma, and brainstem involvement
1.Hyperexaggerated form of Acute Orkutian Syndrome
2.Embolization of fat cells into brain, which he has accumulated over the long period of time sitting in front of his web-browser.
1.Hb, TLC, DLC (as usual)
2. Further investigations not required as the patient already came with reports from private laboratories which include: ‘Know your future from the crazy microbiologist’ , ‘How useless is your time ?’ and ‘What is the name of your craziness’
P.S. We have called Dr. House’s team at Princeton Plainsboro twice. He says that he needs to run further tests on the patient. For further reference he has sent us the email address of Dr.Foreman, but he constantly refused to give away the Gtalk id of Dr.Cameroon. (Screw him ! Our team thinks we should call Dr.Meredith Grey from Seattle instead !)
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-remove all access to the internet from home or work.
-Make pt wear an ankle bracelet to track him, and have a task team in place should he venture into an internet cafe.
-Take an ax to his pc.
(and what the hell was this comment doing on my blog anyways ?)