Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Anger Manegement and all the crap about it...

We now continue the 'tail' of our beloved Caveman Cruddy two years after his marriage with Spacewoman SveeT. To read how it all started, click here...

I guess, you know Cruddy very well by now. He was a cute little man with a long beard and a short vocabulary. But, this much of cuteness was probably not enough for his wife SveeT  who took him to an Anger Management Workshop for a small brawl that happened like this..

CavemanCruddy: Aaaarghh !! The world is end today ! Cruddy's hunting knife ran away somewhere.

SpacewomanSveeT: You hell of a man. Your knife was dirty. I cleaned it with Dettol. It is now drying in the sun outside. Will you please mind keeping the cave hygeinic ? What do you think the kids are going to learn from it ??

Cruddy: That my good knife ! You hide it ? Next time, keep back it where at it right place is !

SveeT: And will you please mind telling me where is it's right place you bastard ? It was lying in a corner of the cave. I thought you had thrown it away, but then your favourite dirty underwear was lying right beneath it, so i came to know that you had not thrown it anyways.

Cruddy: That is right place. That is personal corner. Never touch corner again. Cruddy get confused when his stuff you hide away.

SveeT: How dare you give order me aound in such rude language ?? I think it's time for some counselling. I would have sent you to a shrink, but tommorow a hotshot speaker is visiting from saturn. And you ARE going to attend his anger management speech.. UNDERSTOOD ?

Cruddy: Uhh..umm..

SveeT: Good ! I take that as a yes..


So our hero appears next day at the seminar hall in his best suit. Yeah right, the one which he wore to work everyday. The hall was already full of the right kind of crowd, yeah you know local starlets and politicians, all eagerly waiting to pounce upon the opportunity to prove how intell-actual they happen to be. And then...

(spotlight turns on.. a man in a dark suit comes running from the back to the podium on the stage, doing some weird sort of saturn dance as far as we know ...the crowd goes mad with applause)



Mr.Saintson: Hellooooo my dear brothers and their sisters !

(huge applause from the public)

Mr.Saintson: Today when I look upon humanity, I see people burning in the fires of hell. I know people i know, your life has become a burden on you. You need help. Everybody needs help. And that is why I am here for. I am the person you are going to remember as your sole friend for the rest of your lives..

(another round of applause)

Mr.Saintson: And just for the benefit of needy souls like you (which includes in my opinion almost everyone) ..a super life changing formula ..the discovery of the century ..the megaselling hotshot product which has changed the lives of millions ..I present to you THE FORGET-STRESS-QUICK-AND-EASY-MEGA-SUPER-BOOK !!!

(the crowd goes wild with excitement)

Mr.Saintson: It is a life rennovating idea which has been under research from our soon-to-be-nobel-prize winner scientists for almost 10 years. And the success story does not ends here ! We are soon going to announce a High Definition (HD) version of it too !!

Caveman Buddy: Yay Cruddy bro. U see that ? They are going to write that book in HD !! Can anyone beat that quality ?

Caveman Cruddy: Errr...

Mr.Saintson: ..and the people who buy our super-combo-pack will get a pack of my life-changing-space-tech-get-slim-chocolate free !!!

(a fat lady in the front row faints)

Mr.Saintson: And now i will show you a LIVE, here-in-your-face demonstration of my ANCIENT and TIME TESTED BRAND NEW FOMULA right now !! YES you heard it ! I will teach some of my tricks to you here and now ! And not only this... the people present here will get a special discount for my next show also !!!

(crowd starts jumping up and down like chick-peas in a frying pan)

Mr.Saintson: So, for my first live demonstration I am going to pick up one of you as a volunteer... (pager rings) ..ahh, here is a messeage from the adorable madame spacewoman SveeT who says her evil husband must be hiding right in the crowd somewhere. ..(pager rings again) ...and she also says ..ummm he must be sitting behind a leggy blonde somewhere, because that's where she usually finds him whenever he gets lost in the jogger park.

....err you mister, yes yes it's you ! You are the well known mister Cruddy, right ?

Cruddy: F*** ! That woman kill me someday. It so embarrasing. I hate everyone !

Saintson: Now see. Our info had been right after all. You do need a bit of anger management right now mister Cruddy. Take a deep breath and count 10.. 9.. 8.. 7.. 6..

Cruddy: You Sainty ! You no even know straight counting. You go school again I say !

Saintson: Well well, I must say it is these kind of negative views about life that is the reason for your unhappiness Mr. Cruddy. You need to learn about positive thinking.... And for this ladies and gentlemen our company will soon be launching a new package..

Cruddy: Errrr.. positive what ??

Mr.Saintson: Positive thinking ! You must be glad to know.... that..

Cruddy: Hussshhh.. After Caveman Muddy got HIV positive, Cruddy no touch nothing positive. You a dangerous man. Cruddy says time to go now..

Mr.Saintson: You see Mr. Cruddy. You have insulted me so much already. But did I even get a little angry at you ? NO, ladies and gentlemen NO !! And I remind you again.. you can now order our products even from the phone. Just Dial..

Cruddy: Be dangered Brother and Sister. This man a big liar it is. Cruddy waste no more money. Go home allbody. This is just a fool man !


Mr.Saintson: What the HELL ! I spend all my day running around, dressed like an idiot ... FOR THIS ?? I dont even get to eat my food on time. I am so busy copying old writer's ideas that I have not met my family for an year. Sometimes i sleep in the passenger seat of my limo, trying to make a living. Putting up a fuckin show everyday, whether it is day or night. I have sold out all my peace, my life, my family for this day ? For fools like you Bloody Cruddy ! Just get the hell out of here before i kill either you or myself !!!

Cruddy jolts around with a look of panic in his eyes. He walked upto the stairs, but then comes to a halt and turns..

Cruddy: Take a deep breath ! Count 10.. 9.. 8.. 7....

2 comments:

Blogger Girl said...

Anger management shouldn't be for people who get angry... it should be for people who make you angry so that they don't do things to annoy you!!
Great post as always!

Mack said...

Thanx :)